Maybe we avoid suffering to not feel our full emotions??
“When we are growing up we are lead to believe that the importance of good and bad and what makes us feel better is good for us and everything which hurts may be bad”
Well said Alain De Bottom. (Modern day philosopher)
Wow! in my current life experience this could not be further from the truth. I feel now at the tender age of 41. I Have found that this is another one of life’s paradoxes.
Having had some of life’s beautiful experience sprung upon me in the last couple of years and most of all meeting Melissa and the boys has shown me that the comfort and lazy choices are sometimes a default to conditions that are deep within the cells of the body.
I am not talking about laziness but more of the choices we automatically make when we need to feel into what best serves us at the time or what actually is the lesson in the moment I need to feel and see.
My journey so far in relationships especially has always been to default back to comfort. I remain guilty of choosing the same patterns and coming up with the same results. In these moments I always want to choose the option of “it’s them not me” and claiming the hurt boy story. IT has worked a lot in the past and has had me always coming out on top, so I thought.
Has this got me to the place I need to get to to BE a better human? Probably not, has this been nice for people i have been in relationships with? Definitely not..
How do we discern, especially in the moments we need to make better connected decisions?? One of the tools we can definitely use in getting some space within the thoughts that roll through like a road train is to focus on the breath. In these moments we need a state change and check our “flight or fight” response. A simple technique that is putting awareness in the inhale and letting go of the exhale can really help with asking your higher self the right choice to make and how best this lesson can serve.
In my experience the short term avoidance of feeling the emotions of sadness, hurt, or anger and frustration can definitely multiply later in life. Best you feel into those parts in which you are avoiding now as it can really bring you some clarity and peace to parts of you that have been holding on to for a long time.
Some tips I use that helps:
- Give yourself space to feel
- Surround yourself with people that can call you on your shit
- Stop blaming others
- BREATHE connected conscious breathing, have a daily practice of breathing and it will bring some inner peace at the moment you need it the most
What helps you? Let me know in the comments below